The choice of who to marry is what informs the choice of in-laws. What this means is that people do not have the chance to choose their in-laws. Its just like you do not choose your own siblings, they are conferred on you by destiny. Your relationship with your in-laws is a circumstantial one. But one sure thing is that God who coordinates the universe and knows the end of all things from the beginning, uses everybody we come across in life ( including our in-laws) to weave His desired fabric for our lives. We do well then if we maintain a cordial relationship so that God’s purpose for our lives through every acquaintance will be fulfilled.
Generally, differences in background, aspiration and expectation combined with suspicion, are the main causes of friction among people, especially in-laws. There is therefore, need for a proper understanding that the relationship with in-laws is meant to be on the basis of love which is the foundation on which the marriage is kept from collapsing. Care must be taken that the love that initiated the relationship is kept in focus at all times. Assuming a formal stance with in-laws never really does any good. This is more so in clime where in-laws have definite roles to play in marriages. In such cases, treatment of in-laws could make or break marriages.
The Good Daughter-in-law’s Disposition
The wise man has this to say to every daughter-in-law who intends to have a successful marriage and a happy home. ” Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands”. A wise woman must realize that God has given her a home which she must protect from disintegrating all cost. Therefore, she needs to display a lot of wisdom, selflessness, sacrificial love, patience, endurance coupled with fervent prayers to win her in-laws. A shortcoming in this area is very likely to affect her marriage negatively. She needs to cultivate and develop a win some attitude that will endear her to her in-laws. This can be attained in the following ways
- Let the golden rule be your modus operandi.
- Don’t be touchy, abusive or arrogant towards your in-laws. Be respectful and courteous to them.
- Don’t preempt trouble or prepare for war with your in-laws. Don’t see your mother-in-law, especially as a rival or competitor.
- Don’t set your husband against the members of his family, but warn him with wisdom against impending danger.
- Always remember that you’ll reap what you sow. Let this saying be your wisdom and let it guide your thoughts, words, actions,response and dispositions towards your in-laws.Galatians 6:7
- See your in-laws as your parents and family, and treat them as you would treat your own parents and family members. Never treat them with contempt, no matter their spiritual or social status.
- Be a good manager of your family’s resources no matter how merge your earnings and ensure that your in-laws are beneficiaries from time to time. Prov 31:18,20.
- Nobody likes a proud and haughty daughter-in-law, so be humble in your words and disposition. Micah 6:8
- Complement your husband by being a true partner. Even if he is unfriendly and unaccommodating to his parents and relatives, cover up his short comings by reaching out to them on his behalf.
- Display a cheerful disposition. Always wear a happy look, no matter the situation. A cheerful, happy disposition wins you admiration from all who sees your home.
The Godly mother-in- law’s Demeanor
It is the prayer of every woman to live long enough to see her children marry and give her grandchildren. When, therefore, God in His mercies grants you this privilege, you must ensure you don’t misuse it. Mind you there are many mothers who labour harder than you do right now, but don’t have such opportunities.
If your children are married, God expects you to relate well with your sons and daughters-in-law as Naomi did with Ruth, showing yourself a pattern of good works. Let the following principles guide you in your interactions with them.
- Be guided by the golden rule. Matt 7:12. Don’t ill-treat your daughter-in-law. If your mother-in-law maltreated you, don’t take it out on your own daughter-in-law. Treat her the way you would love to be treated or want your daughters to be treated by their mother-in-law.
- Embrace and treat your sons and daughters-in-law as if they were your biological children
- Remember everyone reaps what they sow. So if you want your children to enjoy peace and harmony in their homes, don’t sow discord between your children and their spouses.
- Choose to love your sons and daughters-in-law. Love is a choice.
- Appreciate whatever they give you. No matter how small, receive it with Joy and bless them. This will encourage them to do more.
- Be considerate of their welfare. Don’t make unnecessary demands from them. Don’t be a burden to them. Remember they have lots of responsibilities to shoulder a family.
- Visit them when necessary, but let them know in advance, or let it be on invitation. Don’t visit them empty handed while expecting to return “loaded”. No matter how little, give them some thing when you visit them.
- If there is delay in child bearing, don’t accuse your daughter-in-law of being responsible. God is the one that gives children. So always pray for and with your son and his wife.
The Great delight of a loving in-law relationship
When you enter, relate with your in-laws in the spirit of love and respect, all parties will always be delighted and rejoice greatly.
- God will be pleased and the family will not experience unnecessary crisis.
- Everybody will peacefully coexist and live in harmony. Hence, there won’t be frictions, worries and anxieties.
- Your relationship will be a thing others will want to emulate
Love is the cornerstone of all human relationships, so relate with your in-laws in love.
Shalom!
Wunmi Oyesanya
http://mzjewel.com/
info@mzjewel.com
